OK days

My partner was concerned last night – she asked if my day was a good one. I said no – it was OK. Then she was concerned because I haven’t said it was good for a long time. That’s not really a problem to me; I think having OK days is just fine. It wasn’t a bad day, it also wasn’t a good day. I don’t have my needs met 24/7 and I have a lot to do and I’m gonna die someday and there’s a lot to clean and things to repair and the yard is a mess because of raccoons and too much homework and not enough time still and I want more money because my car is old and blah blah blah.

I read an article this morning on Medium about porn. Not specifically about the typical sense of the word with naked models fucking. More so about those little things we are addicted to that get in the way of our real life each day. And if I’m being honest, I have at least one of those porns. I see other people’s raccoon-free lives and the nice homes they own and the places they fly to and they have maids and nice teeth and I want that. I catch one moment of time in their life that looks perfect and I want that. What the article pointed out that resonated with me is this: you don’t see all the moments before that moment. You don’t see all the hard work that may have come before that for them to reach that moment. They may have sold their souls and that is what it took.

I think what I have is envy, and maybe a lack of gratitude. And I’m lazy! I admit it. While a lot of people are born into money, that wasn’t me. And I’m just not willing to do the work necessary to get it. I like my soul in my own possession, thanks. And my life isn’t bad at all – it’s not perfect – it’s actually good. I will always strive for a better life and a better me . . . I think the trick is to not take it personally when ya don’t get exactly what ya want. We tried, right? I did as much as I felt like and this is the result. You shoot for the moon and you land on a space station. That is OK by me.


Here is the article! There are more examples in there that might resonate with you. 🙂

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why I live apart

I have a partner whom I love very much.
Spending time with her is the best.
With any luck there will be tons of adventures till the day we die.
We also live about 80 minutes apart.
And I like this arrangement.

Most couples live together – it seems natural to do so.
Our partners tend to be exciting or engaging in some way.
We love them and we want to be around them all the time.
It fits nicely into the escalator.
So we move in with them. Maybe this even just seems efficient.
I wanted and did the same when I was younger.
And then realized that that didn’t work for me.

I realized that I need space and time for myself.
I like getting the whole bed sometimes.
I like walking around naked sometimes.
I like eating whatever I want whenever I want.
I like having no plans, no permissions, no obligations.
I like silence and stillness sometimes.
I like my own hobbies and friends and decor.

I believe living apart is healthier for me.
And maybe even for a lot of couples.
Being 80 minutes is inconvenient.
This means we have to be intentional in seeing each other.
It’s probably better to miss your partner from not enough time
than be sick of them from too much time.

 

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what’s going on, man?

I don’t always have to talk about politics and society and skepticism. Usually, but not always. Below is a taste of what normal life looks like.

Firstly, my cat Moonlight now enjoys popcorn. I decided to start eating more popcorn because it has a lot of fiber. Sometimes I drop a few kernels when I’m cramming it into my face. She’s all over that pretty quick. Whenever I pop it now she comes out from hiding and stands by the microwave with this wishful look on her face.

Secondly, I reconnected with a woman I had dated about 6 years ago. Totally forgot how cool she was . . . is! We’ve been chatting on the phone. It’s weird to think about who you were then and all the memories that you make with people who are no longer part of your life. And to think about how you’ve grown over the years and what would you say to yourself? And what memories did they hold on to about you?

Thirdly, just one little social comment: I actually had a whole long thing written about the homicide in Austin last weekend. Skipping to the end: if you want to protest, don’t bring a gun. Once you bring a gun and carry it openly, you’re an antagonist and it’s a riot. #minordifferences

Fourthly, I planted some seeds this week and my corn seems so happy! Look at these cuties! Good luck little guys!

Image from iOS (2).jpg

someday I’m going to eat you
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normalized

Undoubtedly, with a brain that doesn’t shut down, there’s something I want to write about every day. But, when I look back over any last week, there is usually some kind of theme that I’m kinda thinkin’ about all week and kinda guides all the thoughts in my head; some string, some ribbon flowing all through everythought.

This last week it has been the concept of normalization. And I mean that in this way: the way we talk about things. Not so much what we talk about but how we talk about it. Every sentence and claim we make seems to start from some baseline assumption: I’m coming from here and I want to lead you there. And it’s that baseline assumption that can be wrong sometimes. Or off or weird of misguided or ignorant. Maybe I’m not starting where you started.

Take for example the ten commandments. These were religious rules put forth by the christian god to a guy named Moses. The first ones says (in English): “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Now, I don’t know what it originally said in whatever language it said it, but that is how it’s told in English. The baseline assumption here being that there are “other gods” out there but that you should take this one particular one as more important. The way this is worded forces your brain to think that (A) there’s a ton of gods out there but (B) there’s just one best one. It’s manipulative! Because there is no god necessarily – that was an assumption. There was no room left for other options. It could have been phrased: “surprise, there is a god and it’s me”

I watched a news report today from the Melbourne local news. At one point the reporter said “the right thing” and “fines” in the same sentence. It sounded to me like he was assuming that morality and law were synonymous. They are not. While one may have the basis in the other, they are two different schools of thought. When we assume two things are the same or that there is a baseline assumption that everyone adheres to, it just makes you seem closed-minded. When someone doesn’t adhere to the law, it doesn’t automatically make them morally corrupt.

Non-monogamy: even the word itself normalizes monogamy. Why do we use this term? Our closest genetic ancestor, the bonobo, isn’t monogamous. If you read the book “Sex at Dawn” you will see that even we humans were never really monogamous (and we still aren’t – we just call it “cheating”). Why is that the default language we use? It’s weird to me that anyone considers themselves monogamous – it’s so unnatural. Why shouldn’t we call monogamous folks “non poly”?

The media and right-leaning folks have done some normalizing over the past few years with climate change. They’ve done this by calling it a “debate” (which it is certainly not). That one little added word turns a fact into a question. Or, remember when Trump asked, “Why do we want all these people from ‘shithole countries‘ coming here?” I haven’t forgotten. The assumption here being that there are shithole countries (which there is certainly not). How fucking judgmental is that? You all live on the same rock. Is your country so fucking awesome? How are all the citizens in your country doing?

We normalize being fat and eating crap. We normalize shaming others for it. We normalize abuse and jealousy. We normalize the sound of jets overhead. What am I asking here? Or saying? I dunno . . . Just stop: listen to the words that come out of your mouth; every term that you use – would the person you refer to use that term for themselves? So many of us are being shitty and we don’t even know it: all I ask is that you admit that you’re being shitty. That’s all. You can keep being shitty all you want, just admit it. Your shit stinks too, kids.


further reading
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20170314-how-do-we-determine-when-a-behaviour-is-normal

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201612/how-we-normalize-the-outrageous


 

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Down to Earth

Down to Earth with Zac Efron: skip it.

A coworker recommended it so I watched the episode on Costa Rica.
Because Costa Rica is an awesome and  beautiful place. Go sometime.
Zac Efron goes to an eco-commune and a zipline and an animal refuge.
It’s awesome stuff to see.
There are so many beautiful things in Costa Rica.

It is really difficult to watch Zac Efron, especially here.
He didn’t seem to have a lot of respect or gratitude for these people or places.
Half the time he didn’t even seem to be listening; he was eyeing up the women.
He was trying so hard, but he’s just a fratboy-bro; a man-child.
He kinda ruins the whole thing.

So half of me is like:
“yeah, fratboys should see how other people live”
and half of me is like:
“no, fratboys aren’t allowed to even see this”
As if it is too amazing for them to even grasp.
Indeed, it seemed the enormity and beauty of these things went right over Zac’s head.
The things that astonished him were just not the most astonishing things.

I probably won’t watch anymore.
I just don’t care to see a typical American doing typical American all over the world. Frankly, it’s embarrassing.
Dear, rest of the world: I know, I’m sorry.

more reading

 

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